My Dad...

I decided to write my own post in honor of my Daddy.

As I read both Donna and Daryl’s blogs, I realized that their memories are also my memories. I remember combing Dad’s hair, learning to ride a bike and lots of music. Growing up I have to admit that most of the time, I thought the music was b-o-r-i-n-g. I don’t have the same love and appreciation for classic music that Donna and Daryl do, but I have learned to appreciate it and enjoy it on a different level. And, I must admit that it stirs deep within my soul at times.

I remember putting rubber bands and clips in Dad's hair. He was a dutiful participant in my "styling" his hair. Make me smile to think of that now.

My learning to ride a bike experience was at 40A (is the “A” right?) Leander Ave. I remember there was a road, or alley, or driveway beside the house and I learned to ride on that. I learned to ride a man’s bike by putting my legs under the straight bar and balancing the bike. I honestly don’t remember if Daddy taught me or I just figured it out. He may have given me the idea. I’m not sure, but I remember riding the bike that way.

I, too, remember a time that Dad let me make up my own mind – there was a dance at my high school and I wanted to go. I begged and begged to go and finally Daddy told me that he did not approve of dances, but if I wanted to go I could go. He would not take me nor pick me up, but I could go. I did go and after going to a couple of dances decided that I really did not enjoy them so I stopped going. I have often wondered if he had not allowed me to make up my own mind if I would have rebelled and found a way to go just to (as kids often do) spite their parent. I am so grateful that he allowed me to make a choice, which went against his own personal belief and to let me figure out what I wanted to do.

I also remember at Fairland, in particular, when Dad was a pastor there - I don’t know how often I went into his study and wanted his attention. I don’t remember ever being turned away and I am sure that I sometimes went in when he was quite busy and didn’t really want to be bothered. My memory tells me I was never turned away. I always felt important and wanted.

I, too, am grateful for the father I have. Happy Birthday and Happy Father’s Day and I love you very much. Oh, another quick memory – Daryl once told me that the USA puts out flags for both Dad’s birthday (Flag Day) and Daryl’s birthday (Memorial Day – when it used to be on the 39th) just because it was their birthdays. I don’t remember if I ever truly believed him, but I do remember him telling me that.

CELEBRATE

Here are some pictures from my birthday party. It was a small party because Gail and Leah were not sure how I would be feeling physically by my birthdate. Ben and Leah surprised me at the restaurant where Gail and I went for supper. We were in the process of what to have for dinner when, while I had my head down looking at the menu, Leah walked up with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and said that she had heard it was my birthday. I was, of course, shocked and then cried - remember the crying thing? It took us quite a while to order our food. Thank goodness our waitress was patient. Leah gave me a beautiful book with snap-shot pictures through the years as well as comments from my family. A very nice gift and one I will always treasure!! We then came back to our house and had a camp fire, something we all enjoy very much. Gail and Ben then served ice-cream cake to us. It was a very nice evening and the surprise was well worth it all.

This is my baby and I am pretty sure he thought we had all gotten together for his birthday. He seems to think the world revolves around him. Isn't he cute? And, he is not spoiled at all!!!

Reflections

Well, tomorrow is the big day – 50. Since I am the youngest of my clan, I am not entering a new decade that you haven’t already entered and maybe even already passed through. But, it is a new one for me.

I have been thinking back over this past year and quite honestly, it hasn’t been all that great. I was ill for most of my 49th year and am just now beginning to understand just how badly I really felt. If I stop with that comment, it seems a little depressing, so I won’t stop there.

I am more than grateful that I am where I am today versus where I could be if the diagnosis had come back differently. The past two months have given me pause to reflect on many things. I would like to share them with you. I am grateful for these things:

- A God who loves me in a way that I will never truly comprehend.
- A husband who loves and supports me even when I am grumpy from not feeling well. Who encourages me to take each day at a time and to not look back into the “what if’s and if only’s”. I love his “let’s take it from here and handle one day at a time” attitude. Where would I be without you?
- A daughter who brightens my day with her love and concern for my well-being. My best girl-friend and a gift beyond mere words.
- A son-in-law who is more like a son - whose encouragement and love go far beyond words that I could express. Your love for my daughter touches the depths of my heart.
- A Father who called one night and asked “how is my baby tonight?” That tender endearment touched my heart. Thanks, Daddy. Yours and Verna Mae’s phone calls were appreciated very much!
- My siblings who have encouraged me through all this. I’m glad we are staying more in touch through this Blog world than ever before. And, I feel like I am getting to know you on a different level than ever before.
- Gail’s family – for their love and support through these past difficult months.
- My closest friends, who are more like family than you know.

As I look over this very short list, and believe me, I could go on and on and on but I will spare you, I think that maybe this past year hasn’t been as bad as I originally thought. This illness has brought to my attention all that I have to grateful for, and there is so much more that could be added.

I once read that attitude is everything and I am inclined to believe it now more than ever. So maybe 49 wasn’t so bad and I look forward to 50 and all this new year/decade will have to offer. I hope and pray that as I continue on life’s road that I will never stop learning from those around me, that I will be just a bit kinder to those who are less fortunate than I, that I can help to carry the load of someone who needs it, that I leave those I meet with encouragement and hope, that I learn to love a little deeper and treasure the important things in life.

JOURNEY

The past numbers of years have been a journey of sorts for me. The past several months and weeks in particular have brought health issues to the forefront. I finally went to the doctor the first week of April to get some medical help for my cough, chest pain and trouble breathing. It only took me 10 months to seek that help. When my doctor asked me why I took so long to come in I simply shrugged and said that I wasn’t really sure. He has been my doctor for over 30 years and has gotten to know me somewhat. He said that he knew why. He then proceeded to tell me that I am one of those people that thinks tomorrow will be a better day. I thought about that for a bit and agreed. It might be surprising to know that the older I am getting the more I am learning to let the dust settle before reacting too much. Things seem clearer when the dust settles. Perhaps the past 4 years in the Harman family has helped with this new found philosophy. There has been so much turmoil in the Harman family that has kept me on an adrenaline high and learning how to relax is now the order of the day. So, I don’t react to health issues as quickly as I should.

I went to a pulmonologist on Wednesday. I felt very comfortable with him and his staff. He ordered a CT scan for Thursday. Now that was an experience. The scan itself was a breeze – just follow the little computer guy and his instructions and you will do fine. However, I did not know I have an iodine allergy and reacted to the iodine the technician injected during the 2nd part of the test. My lips and back of my tongue became very tingly and felt as though they were swelling. Whether they actually did or not, I don’t really know. The whole experience lasted maybe 2 minutes. They called the doctor to come and check me and he thought I was doing fine – I agreed. It felt like a scene from House, if any of you are familiar with that show. Now I wait for the results. For some reason, I am not very worried. Maybe I should be but I am not. Maybe my new found philosophy is kicking into gear or maybe thinking that tomorrow really will be a better day or maybe I am truly just too ignorant to speculate as to what all “it” could be or maybe I have a peace that passes understanding. Monday will come soon enough and it will come whether I worry or not, so I have chosen the not. I am relieved to hopefully have some answers. The past 10 months have been hard and anxious filled because of not being able to breathe properly.

I hope that should something else come along, I will not wait as long to seek help. But, I also think that I really want to continue believing that tomorrow just maybe a better day....

Mother's Day Weekend...

I just got home from an absolutely delightful weekend with Leah. We spent the weekend together at a hotel. We arrived there late Friday afternoon. I arrived first and was checking in when Leah came into the lobby without my knowledge. I’m pretty sure she snuck in. I turned around and she was just standing there grinning. True to nature, I let out a yelp and then started to cry. Why I always cry like that is a mystery to me – but I do, none-the-less. I couldn’t help but wonder what the woman at the check-in counter was thinking. It seems the harder I try not to cry at such times, the more I do. Oh well, maybe babies of families are mushier than the rest – not sure, but I wonder. Or, maybe losing one’s mother on Mother’s Day is still a poignant memory.

Leah and I spent the weekend shopping and eating, but mostly talking and just being together. I don’t take these times lightly because they are few and far between. As Leah’s life continues to change it may be harder for the two of us to get away like this, but for now I revel in it. I hope we can always make time to do this. I must admit I enjoy not having to share her with anyone else – if that is being selfish, of which I have been accused by well meaning friends, then so be it. I suppose having only one child makes the parent/child relationship a bit different than when there are more. I don’t know about that but I wonder. I thank the Lord often for the one child I have – we have been very blessed!

I can’t let this day go by without writing about my own Mother. There are not very many days that go by that I don’t think about her. I told her on Friday, in a whispered prayer, that I wish that we could sit and have coffee. I like coffee a lot more now than when she was alive. I miss our conversations and her wisdom. I am reaching a point in my life where I would love to draw on her view of life and womanhood. I am sad that she does not know my daughter – I think that makes me the saddest of all. Or maybe, in some way, she does. I like to think about that. None of us really know what God allows or does not allow when we go to live with Him. I like to think that Mother has some idea of what her children and grand-children are up to. I don’t dwell on it too much because it truly is a mystery. I am so grateful for the mother I had and for the daughter I have and I pray that God will bless us all in midst of this everyday life.

So, to all the mothers in my family – Happy Mother’s Day and I love you all!

I'm Back!

Wow – I am so excited! We FINALLY got our new computer and are out of the dark ages with a new DSL (instead of dial up) and loving every minute, so far! I’m still getting to know my computer or I should say “our” computer, but I have sort of taken up ownership - poor Gail! Oh, he’ll get over it! He is already shaking his head as he sees me sitting here typing away. Some things we will never quite agree on. Gail and Lois speak the same language – they would much rather be outside doing yard work and playing with lawn mowers and the like. With my new found asthma, I have to be more careful what I do. Until I know what triggers my asthma attacks, I will just have to stay close to my new computer – it doesn’t seem to bother me. It is easy to find an excuse when you need one.

On a side note, you may notice I seem to be having some kind of Blog identity crisis. I keep changing the template. Hopefully I will find a home soon and settle in. If you hadn’t noticed, well now I drew your attention to this fact.

Seriously, a lot has happened since I last wrote. It seems the world continues to go crazy. I don’t understand the hate that fills a man’s heart to cause such heartache and destruction. To me it doesn’t matter where in the world there is pain and suffering, we are all connected in some way. This past weekend the weather has also been such a destructive force. I have customers in Kansas and they are dealing with a lot. It would be very easy for us to stay in bed and pull the covers over our heads and hide. BUT, I find the world is still a great place to be. I have seen wonder in a child’s eye, love and acceptance in an aged women’s eyes and know that there is much to live for, learn from and we need to stay involved with those around us. May my heart never become so calloused that I cease to care.

On that note, I hope to write more often. We’ll see………………

30 Years!

30 years ago today, Gail and I married. Wow! I am still trying to figure out where the past 30 years has gone. I am sure that those of you, who are older than I, can attest to this reality of passing time. The last 30 years has been an incredible experience. There have been a lot of bumps in the road – but then again, every road is filled with bumps. Thanks, Gail, for loving me, for believing in me and for not being “normal” - your ability to be a big kid has made times that could have been very hard more bearable and enjoyable. I enjoy seeing life through your eyes and I look forward to the future with you. I love you.