A Wonderful Christmas!

Wow – another Christmas here and gone. The older I get, the faster they come and the faster they go. We stayed home this year – partly because of my health, mainly because from here on out we don’t know what Christmas will look like for our family. When Ben and Leah get settled into a new home this summer, their lives will change with the ministry aspect of Christmas. We’ll see what happens then. Time will teach us, I’m sure.

During this Holiday Season I’ve learned that I have to pace myself a lot better than I have in the past. I hope this will not always be the case, but for now it is. We decided not get so wrapped up in all the hoopla of the Holidays. For the most part, I think we succeeded! And I am grateful. I only had several days that I was down and out, but that is a lot better than it could have been!

Ben and Leah were here for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. When Leah was growing up, we would sleep by the Christmas Tree on Christmas Eve. We would watch White Christmas and eat cookies and milk. Even though married, she asked if we could do that again this year. It was fun for all of us.

On Christmas morning, Gail surprised me with a beautiful quilt. I had seen this quilt last year and wanted it, but because of all our rising medical bills felt that we shouldn’t spend the money for it. Gail, however, had a different opinion. He ordered it and bought it for me as a surprise. It took them 8 months to do the quilting as it is all done by hand. It really is a work of art. Every time I look at it I am reminded of a man’s love for his wife and all that it stands for in my mind. Thank you Gail!!

This is where I am totally blown away that Gail had done this for me. The look on my face tells the whole story.

This design is called The Pyramids. Depending on how the light shines on this, the design changes. It actually look 3-D. He asked them to embroider, into one of the corners, my initials, Gail’s initials and our wedding date. 2007 was our 30th anniversary and he wanted this quilt to be for that as well as for Christmas.

I hope you have all had a wonderful Christmas and we look forward to 2008 with much anticipation and joy.

Love you all!

Thoughts on Thanksgiving

I am a little behind on the whole Thanksgiving thing, but I didn’t want this time of year to pass without some thoughts. Thanksgiving is not just a day, it is learning to live in a state of thankfulness. An awareness of things to be grateful for in our lives, an attitude.

We had a wonderful time with Ben and Leah. Leah helped prepare our Thanksgiving meal and we had fun in the kitchen together. She is a very good cook and enjoys creating new dishes. I do believe that hospitality is one of her strengths and that will serve her well as she works beside Ben in whatever church they serve in together!

This has been a tough year for me in many ways. I’ve gone through many and varied emotions – from health to relationship changes. No one said life would be easy, but I think I could use a break for awhile.

Even though this has been a discouraging year, as far as health, it has also been one of tremendous Spiritual growth. I guess one doesn’t flex their spiritual muscles until there is need to do so. I am learning, a slow learner I’m afraid, but learning anyway.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and will continue to count your blessings because there are so many!

I am going to attempt to input some pictures of the weekend. I am still learning how to do this...........

This is what I like to see......they did a great job with those potatoes!

Awwwwww

Leah & Lydia (Nic's wife)

A tradition since Leah was little

Molly supervising!

My "kids" - aren't they sweet?

We could all use a kiss now and then

Gail's usual football watching form....until he stands up and starts conversing with the refs.....the dogs usually hide at that point.

Love to all..................til next time!!

Tornado - Part Two

The tornado came through on a Thursday night. We stayed up until 2:30 just walking around our neighborhood and talking with people. Nobody seemed to want to go to bed. Leah kept us updated with weather reports, since we had lost all power and didn’t really know if any more bad storms were forecast. We finally made our way back to our house and decided to go to bed. Neither one of us slept very well because of all the sirens, the truck back-up beeps and flashing lights.

Friday - the next morning we decided to try and get to my work. We drove east of town and found several roads already blocked. We finally made our way up one road (County Road 9) and were awe struck with what we saw. All along a one mile stretch of road were homes covered in debris and tree limbs. It looked like a war zone. We could see beyond the houses, on this road, to a housing development behind. So many of those homes were in shambles; roofs torn off, huge gaping holes in the sides of homes, some in total ruin. We drove in silence; words just didn’t seem to come.

We finally made our way to my work and found out that we were open. The electricity and phone lines had already been connected to this part of town. I wasn’t prepared to stay since Gail and I basically jumped in the car that morning and took off. I told my boss that I would be back as soon as possible.

We tried to get to get to our house via the roads I normally drive on. We couldn’t. They had already closed those roads due to downed power lines. We had to snake around to fine a way to get to our house. In doing that, we found the area south of Nappanee that had also been hit by the tornado. This area is mainly an Amish community. Again we saw houses with roofs torn off, windows broken out, and in several cases, totally leveled. There was one place that we passed that was owned by an Amish family. They lost both their house and barn – both were totally leveled. It was about 9:00 a.m. and there were already numerous Amish present with their equipment. We saw horses and buggies coming from all directions pulling wagons with more equipment and supplies. There were two women working by the house going through the rubble. Gail noticed the children playing all over the yard. He thought that was a healthy thing, to see the children still able to play in the midst of such destruction.

After we passed this place, we went around the corner and found several more homes that had sustain severe damage. We saw a semi on its side, a car upside down thrown into a tree. Again, we were awe struck at nature’s fury. To see these things tossed around like tinker toys was very overwhelming.

By now we were getting a bit frustrated because it seemed that each road we tried to turn on was already barricaded. We finally found roads that were passable – about 4 miles south of Nappanee and made our way home. We hurried and got dressed for work. By then, the Mayor had issued a State of Emergency for Nappanee. They were asking people to stay home and stay off the roads. I felt like I needed to go to work, as did Gail, so we did. Gail didn’t stay long at his job. He was able to borrow a generator from work and came home early to get that all set up. We were very grateful for that since it would be 3 days before we had power again. 3 days doesn’t seem like a long time until you don’t have any power or water. We learned how to be very frugal with water and the electricity the generator provided.

Gail walked up town to see the places in Nappanee that had been hit. He had to climb over downed trees, on one street, to get to the part of Nappanee that had been hit the hardest. Again, he saw numerous homes that had been destroyed. Friday afternoon, when I got home, we walked up State Road 19 to see the homes that had been hit there. These homes are the closest to us. They are about ¼ mile from our home. Some of these people we know and since we know them, seeing these homes was a very emotional one for us - the tears flowed easily. State Road 19 was closed because of debris on the road, but also because of downed power lines. These electric poles are huge – at their base they are 24” across. These poles were just twisted and snapped off, right at the base. Amazing. We walked by a school that the roof was picked up and laid back down, but at a 45 degree angle from before. The back end of the school was plastered with mud. There was a church next door to the school that was leveled. The only thing standing were a few classrooms. I was amazed at how much of the soybean straw was just plastered in the remaining windows and sidewalls. It was like someone took a spoon and smashed the soybean straw into the window casings and just jammed it in. We saw straw stuck in the telephone poles. We saw a 2x2 stuck in the bottom of a telephone pole, like someone used a hammer to pound it in. We walked through the field, behind our development, and there was so much debris that you had to closely watch where you were walking. There were lots of 2x4’s all over the place with nails sticking up. There was someone’s roof in the middle of State Road 19. They don’t know where it came from exactly.

Saturday – they opened up US 6 for a little while and Gail and I drove by the business areas that were hit hardest. I am still amazed at that destruction. If this tornado had hit during work hours, I believe we would have had number casualties. Some of the buildings there were completely leveled and gone. On this day we saw the Equestrian Police. There were about 8 police men and women on horses just patrolling the whole down town area. They were not friendly – I’m sure they were extremely tired of all the sight seers they were dealing with. There were sharp shooters placed around the business areas because of looting. That seemed really eerie for a little town like Nappanee. But they were here, none-the-less.

One thing that I am still amazed by – Leah and Ben came home the weekend after the tornado because Ben was preaching at our church. I took Leah around to see some of the devastation south of Nappanee. I told her about the Amish house and barn and wanted to show her that house. When we got there I was totally amazed. They had already cleaned up the destroyed house and had completed all the framing of the new house, plus the had already put the first floor plywood over the framing. I could not believe in just 30 hours, they had cleaned up the old house, and had gotten that far in building the new house. I am still amazed by that. I don’t agree with a lot of what they Amish do around here, but that is one thing I think they do right!!

Sunday - on Sunday, Nappanee had declared a work day for the community. We had over 6,000 people show up to do work detail. They only dispatched 3,000 because there were not enough safe zones for that many people to work. They actually turned people away. The community was in awe of how many people came to help. I’m sure some came out of curiosity, but most came out of a genuine desire to do something useful. When something like this happens, you feel so helpless. Working to clean up helped you feel useful. Gail went to one of neighbor’s houses to help. He had not met them before, now he has. They were amazed at how many people came to their house and didn’t know them. They just showed up and started working.

All of this happened over 3 weeks ago. People are starting to rebuild. There are areas, however, that are not being rebuilt yet. These places either did not have insurance or are rental houses and the renters have moved on and owners are waiting for insurance settlements. Of the 7 houses on 19 that were damaged, 5 were razed and they will have to build again. We noticed that two homes are starting with basements – they didn’t have them before. Good choice, I think.

We continue to be amazed that no one was killed or seriously injured. One man I work with had severe damage to his house. He lives across the road from his son who now owns the family farm. They lost their house, their barn, several out buildings and a small cabin. His son milks a herd of cows and none of them were injured. The barn was completely destroyed and all the cows spared. Amazing.

We still here amazing stories of survival. When you look at these homes, you are amazed that no one was hurt. I have never seen such destruction. I’ve seen other communities that were affected by a tornado, but seeing these things in person made a huge impact on me.

Believe it or not, I tried to be more succinct, but failed. I also seem to like the word "amazed" :) I hope this gives you a little window into that weekend for us. I hope we never experience another one.

Love to all!

Tornado - Part One

It was a dark and stormy night…thunder crashed…lightening exploded in the sky…the wind howled…and then…silence… Okay, okay, I never said that I was a writer but it sure seemed fun to start this Blog this way.

Thoughts of a tornado. Wow – I have been thinking about writing about “our” tornado since it happened and haven’t been able to articulate this experience very well. So, I will just write and we’ll see what happens.

It really was a dark and stormy night. I wasn’t that worried about severe storms because tornadoes don’t happen in October – that is ridiculous. We were watching TV on the night of October 18 and the news stations broke into whatever we were watching to inform us of impending storm fronts coming across northern Indiana. Now you have to understand, this happens a lot around here. You get sort of used to it and take it in stride. After awhile they were on the TV all the time just giving updates of the various storms around the area. “There have been rotations spotted in this area, and that area, etc.” They showed, on the map, a storm that was heading right for Nappanee. It was about an hour out and I figured I had time to get things around should it keep developing. Gail decided to go outside to watch the approaching storm. Yes folks, you are reading this correctly, Gail decided to go outside and watch for any tornadoes. Most sane people are in their basements, but nooooo, Gail is outside……….I am still a bit upset about that one. I was watching the weather reports when all of a sudden the lights went out and I could here the tornado siren start. At that point, Gail came racing into the house and ordered me downstairs. Gail never, and I repeat never, gets upset about storms so when he came racing into the house and yelled for me to go to the basement I knew that something big was happening. I was not prepared to run because I had an hour to prepare…r-i-g-h-t! I did, however, manage to grab the important things for the basement – blanket, jacket - I already had a flashlight close at hand, cell phone and my two dogs. I went down stairs with said items in hand, except for dogs that were running all over the place in totally confusion and panic. Why was I yelling at them? What had they done to make me so angry that I would raise my voice in such a manner? Kody kept running in circles until he finally went down the stairs. It is funny now – it wasn’t then. Have you ever played that game of what you would take out of a burning house? What would you save? Well in that moment, I took the things that seemed practical to me and took nothing of any sentimental value. I wonder what that says about me? Lesson learned in this part of the story – be prepared BEFORE the storm hits and leash your dogs so they will listen quickly. By the time I got to the basement, the tornado has already passed about ¼ of a mile from our house. While I was rushing around collecting the things I wanted and trying to convince the dogs to come with me, the tornado has already done its deed. Because Gail had been outside, he heard the tornado coming. He did not see it, but heard it. He says it is a sound he will never forget. It sounds a little bit like a train way off in the distance. He is sad that he wasn’t on the other side of the house because he may have been able to see it if he had been on that side of the house. I told him that he could have been tornado bait if he had been on that side. He really did miss his calling – he should have been a tornado chaser. Not while married to me, of course!


Since I did not hear any of this part, I will pass on what Gail told me. Since he was outside watching for any storm, he was very aware of what the weather was doing. He said it was raining and the wind was blowing, etc. All of a sudden everything just stopped or almost stopped and got really calm. He remembers thinking “man, is this all there is going to be. We are going to miss the storm, again!” (What a crazy man!) Then all of a sudden the wind picked up and began to blow ferociously, the rain was actually going horizontal to the ground and that is when he heard the tornado. There really is a calm before the storm. That whole process lasted maybe 5 minutes. It went through so fast. After the tornado went through the wind continued to blow, but not as bad. It still was raining, but not as much – more like sprinkling.

We waited for several minutes before going outside to see what had happened. At that point, we really didn’t know what had happened. Gail knew he heard something, and thought it may have been a tornado but didn’t know for sure. Two of our neighbors houses were damaged by the high winds, but ours was fine. We lost several shingles – nothing in comparison to what we would see in the coming days. Our next door neighbor came out and told us that a tornado had hit Nappanee. We learned later that it touched down somewhere around Bourbon and traveled on and off the ground for about 20 miles. All of Nappanee and surrounding areas were without power. That was a really weird experience to look all around you and everything is dark. By this time there were a lot of flash lights all over the place. It didn’t take long for rescue units to start making their rounds to make sure everyone was okay in our neighborhood. We were. Some of our neighbors, on State Road 19, were not so fortunate. About 7 homes right around the corner from us were destroyed. The rescue units could not get to their homes by that road, due to felled power lines, so they were coming into our development and going through the field that adjoins us to get to them. All night we heard sirens, the beeping that utility and rescue trucks have on their trucks when they back up. It really was unsettling.

As we walked around our development, we saw trees snapped off at the ground, numberous shingles and siding on the ground. There were several trampolines that were just gone. We found one, however, wrapped around the garage of a house. It was imbedded into the side of the house, as if someone placed it there and pounded it into the wall. Amazing. Like I said before, that was only the tip of the ice-berg of what we would see the next day.

There is so much more and more I would like to share – I think I will close this, so I don’t over-load you on this first post. I know I am “wordy” but thanks for letting me write it all.

Love to all!

What a wonderful surprise!

I had a very nice – to say the least - surprise this weekend. On Thursday evening our door bell rang. I went to answer the door and when I opened it, there stood Leah. I was quite surprised and asked her what she was doing here? She said that she had come to spend the weekend with me. After a huge hug and some very happy tears she informed me that I had Friday off from work. She had apparently arranged with my boss a day off of work for Friday - another very nice surprise.

Because I am still not feeling the best, we weren’t able to do some of the fun things we have done in the past. However, we did enjoy just being together. I am amazed at how much I miss those times that we would hang out in her room and talk about whatever was on our minds. It is harder to do that now when their time here is so short and they have two families to appease. I will admit, selfish or not, I enjoyed this weekend because I didn’t have to share her with anyone. I don’t know where they will end up living so I enjoy, cherish and am grateful for these snippets in time when we can just be.

Lessons from an Ant

Gail and I went swimming at a friend’s house this past Sunday. Our friends were gone and had invited us to use their pool. So, we went and spent a couple of hours just relaxing and enjoying being together. We paddled around and talked and paddled some more. At one point, I noticed a peculiar little “ant” that was swimming. I’m not really sure it was an ant, but ants have a jointed body so for the purpose of my story, he is an ant – the upper part was a rich light brown and with two very distinct black eyes and the bottom, or back part, had brown, red, and black stripes. It was a very pretty ant. Again, I’m not sure it was an ant, but I don’t really know what else it was. I watched it swimming, or getting ready to drown, and felt sorry for it. I found a leaf and lifted the poor little guy onto the leaf and put him on the concrete that surrounds the pool. He immediately started to clean himself off. I watched in rapt attention. He took his back legs and carefully slid them over his lower body. I assume he was using them as some sort of scraper to get the water off his back. Then he took his front legs and cleaned off first one antennae and then the other and then went back to his back legs and repeated the whole process again. He didn’t seem grateful that he had been saved by me. I’m not even sure he was aware that I was watching him. But, then he did something that amazed me. He was completely dried off – as far as I could tell – and turned and ran right over the edge of the pool right back into the water! I stood there and said “stupid ant”. After all that, he simply repeated his fateful act and landed in the water again. After awhile, Gail took pity on this ant and splashed him out of the water and on to the concrete. He cleaned himself off again and after that??.....you guessed it…..right back into the water he went. We both left him to his fate. Now you may say maybe he was a water bug. I don’t think so, but he sure was a stupid bug. We left him in the water and went back to our own swimming.

This ant did get me to thinking though. How often do I repeat my (perceived) offenses time and time again. I am lifted out of the “water” and after I lick my wounds, clean myself off, I run right back into the very place I was drowning in. Whether these are bad relationships, negative attitudes or negative ways of thinking, hurtful actions, etc.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about learning to rethink the way I think and, here is the dreaded word, feel. We get into patterns of thinking that can really hold us back and instead of reaching up and out, we run right back into the old way of whatever. I’m not sure there is much I can do about how I feel – feelings are just that, feelings. I can do more with what I think and what goes in and out of my head. But, I can really do something with how I react – this is where the choices lay.

I am grateful for a God who doesn’t walk away from me when I run right back into the water. Who lovingly bails me out each and every time. I’m sure I have given Him much opportunity to be frustrated – does God get frustrated? (Another time and Blog.) I am grateful for friends and family who love me too. I hope the little ant made it out of the water. He might be in the skimmer right now………..

-D-

Eight Random Facts

As Daryl said, my sister tagged me. So, here you go - Eight Random Facts about me:

1) I was born in Zimbabwe. The 4th and last child of my parents. Could it be that after me there was no energy for more? From the stories I've heard, and I do wonder if they are all true, I may have been as active as twins would have been.

2) When I read Daryl’s # 2 it made me think about passports. I haven’t applied for a passport yet. I have the ONLY copy of my birth certificate and am very reluctant to give it up to anyone. I really do need to find out how to get more copies for the future, but I keep putting off getting a passport because I don’t want to deal with the hassle. I think with border regulations tightening, I will have to deal with it sooner rather than later.

3) I love animals – just about any animal. I should have grown up on a farm for that very reason. If Gail would have let me, I would have had a whole menagerie of animals. But, sadly that was not to be. I have to settle for my two dogs. I mean, Leah’s dog and my dog.

4) I am a rules follower, especially when traveling. Some people bend rules – not me. If there is a road sign that says no left turn and there is no traffic coming, I still will not turn left. I will turn right and go out of my way and find a way to go back the way the left turn would have taken me. I basically follow speed limits – that is why I don’t get to drive on road trips.

5) I do not like to fly. I used to love to fly when I was younger, but now I would rather do anything else but fly. However, I will if necessary.

6) I am very ornery by nature. I’ve tried, several times in my adult years, to not be quite so ornery. But, it usually doesn’t last. Leah is scared she will have a child just like me. I think that would be a great thing.

7) I love to read and spend more time than I should between the pages of a book. I like mystery novels, some biographies – depending on who, and some romance stories, if they are not too sappy.

8) For the most part, I do not like being alone. I enjoy being around people and find that I am energized by social activities. However, I am learning the value of spending time with me and realizing that I can be good company too.

So, there you go. Not a whole lot of exotic facts, but facts none-the-less.
This was fun, Donna. Thanks for the push in being tagged.

My Dad...

I decided to write my own post in honor of my Daddy.

As I read both Donna and Daryl’s blogs, I realized that their memories are also my memories. I remember combing Dad’s hair, learning to ride a bike and lots of music. Growing up I have to admit that most of the time, I thought the music was b-o-r-i-n-g. I don’t have the same love and appreciation for classic music that Donna and Daryl do, but I have learned to appreciate it and enjoy it on a different level. And, I must admit that it stirs deep within my soul at times.

I remember putting rubber bands and clips in Dad's hair. He was a dutiful participant in my "styling" his hair. Make me smile to think of that now.

My learning to ride a bike experience was at 40A (is the “A” right?) Leander Ave. I remember there was a road, or alley, or driveway beside the house and I learned to ride on that. I learned to ride a man’s bike by putting my legs under the straight bar and balancing the bike. I honestly don’t remember if Daddy taught me or I just figured it out. He may have given me the idea. I’m not sure, but I remember riding the bike that way.

I, too, remember a time that Dad let me make up my own mind – there was a dance at my high school and I wanted to go. I begged and begged to go and finally Daddy told me that he did not approve of dances, but if I wanted to go I could go. He would not take me nor pick me up, but I could go. I did go and after going to a couple of dances decided that I really did not enjoy them so I stopped going. I have often wondered if he had not allowed me to make up my own mind if I would have rebelled and found a way to go just to (as kids often do) spite their parent. I am so grateful that he allowed me to make a choice, which went against his own personal belief and to let me figure out what I wanted to do.

I also remember at Fairland, in particular, when Dad was a pastor there - I don’t know how often I went into his study and wanted his attention. I don’t remember ever being turned away and I am sure that I sometimes went in when he was quite busy and didn’t really want to be bothered. My memory tells me I was never turned away. I always felt important and wanted.

I, too, am grateful for the father I have. Happy Birthday and Happy Father’s Day and I love you very much. Oh, another quick memory – Daryl once told me that the USA puts out flags for both Dad’s birthday (Flag Day) and Daryl’s birthday (Memorial Day – when it used to be on the 39th) just because it was their birthdays. I don’t remember if I ever truly believed him, but I do remember him telling me that.

CELEBRATE

Here are some pictures from my birthday party. It was a small party because Gail and Leah were not sure how I would be feeling physically by my birthdate. Ben and Leah surprised me at the restaurant where Gail and I went for supper. We were in the process of what to have for dinner when, while I had my head down looking at the menu, Leah walked up with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and said that she had heard it was my birthday. I was, of course, shocked and then cried - remember the crying thing? It took us quite a while to order our food. Thank goodness our waitress was patient. Leah gave me a beautiful book with snap-shot pictures through the years as well as comments from my family. A very nice gift and one I will always treasure!! We then came back to our house and had a camp fire, something we all enjoy very much. Gail and Ben then served ice-cream cake to us. It was a very nice evening and the surprise was well worth it all.

This is my baby and I am pretty sure he thought we had all gotten together for his birthday. He seems to think the world revolves around him. Isn't he cute? And, he is not spoiled at all!!!

Reflections

Well, tomorrow is the big day – 50. Since I am the youngest of my clan, I am not entering a new decade that you haven’t already entered and maybe even already passed through. But, it is a new one for me.

I have been thinking back over this past year and quite honestly, it hasn’t been all that great. I was ill for most of my 49th year and am just now beginning to understand just how badly I really felt. If I stop with that comment, it seems a little depressing, so I won’t stop there.

I am more than grateful that I am where I am today versus where I could be if the diagnosis had come back differently. The past two months have given me pause to reflect on many things. I would like to share them with you. I am grateful for these things:

- A God who loves me in a way that I will never truly comprehend.
- A husband who loves and supports me even when I am grumpy from not feeling well. Who encourages me to take each day at a time and to not look back into the “what if’s and if only’s”. I love his “let’s take it from here and handle one day at a time” attitude. Where would I be without you?
- A daughter who brightens my day with her love and concern for my well-being. My best girl-friend and a gift beyond mere words.
- A son-in-law who is more like a son - whose encouragement and love go far beyond words that I could express. Your love for my daughter touches the depths of my heart.
- A Father who called one night and asked “how is my baby tonight?” That tender endearment touched my heart. Thanks, Daddy. Yours and Verna Mae’s phone calls were appreciated very much!
- My siblings who have encouraged me through all this. I’m glad we are staying more in touch through this Blog world than ever before. And, I feel like I am getting to know you on a different level than ever before.
- Gail’s family – for their love and support through these past difficult months.
- My closest friends, who are more like family than you know.

As I look over this very short list, and believe me, I could go on and on and on but I will spare you, I think that maybe this past year hasn’t been as bad as I originally thought. This illness has brought to my attention all that I have to grateful for, and there is so much more that could be added.

I once read that attitude is everything and I am inclined to believe it now more than ever. So maybe 49 wasn’t so bad and I look forward to 50 and all this new year/decade will have to offer. I hope and pray that as I continue on life’s road that I will never stop learning from those around me, that I will be just a bit kinder to those who are less fortunate than I, that I can help to carry the load of someone who needs it, that I leave those I meet with encouragement and hope, that I learn to love a little deeper and treasure the important things in life.

JOURNEY

The past numbers of years have been a journey of sorts for me. The past several months and weeks in particular have brought health issues to the forefront. I finally went to the doctor the first week of April to get some medical help for my cough, chest pain and trouble breathing. It only took me 10 months to seek that help. When my doctor asked me why I took so long to come in I simply shrugged and said that I wasn’t really sure. He has been my doctor for over 30 years and has gotten to know me somewhat. He said that he knew why. He then proceeded to tell me that I am one of those people that thinks tomorrow will be a better day. I thought about that for a bit and agreed. It might be surprising to know that the older I am getting the more I am learning to let the dust settle before reacting too much. Things seem clearer when the dust settles. Perhaps the past 4 years in the Harman family has helped with this new found philosophy. There has been so much turmoil in the Harman family that has kept me on an adrenaline high and learning how to relax is now the order of the day. So, I don’t react to health issues as quickly as I should.

I went to a pulmonologist on Wednesday. I felt very comfortable with him and his staff. He ordered a CT scan for Thursday. Now that was an experience. The scan itself was a breeze – just follow the little computer guy and his instructions and you will do fine. However, I did not know I have an iodine allergy and reacted to the iodine the technician injected during the 2nd part of the test. My lips and back of my tongue became very tingly and felt as though they were swelling. Whether they actually did or not, I don’t really know. The whole experience lasted maybe 2 minutes. They called the doctor to come and check me and he thought I was doing fine – I agreed. It felt like a scene from House, if any of you are familiar with that show. Now I wait for the results. For some reason, I am not very worried. Maybe I should be but I am not. Maybe my new found philosophy is kicking into gear or maybe thinking that tomorrow really will be a better day or maybe I am truly just too ignorant to speculate as to what all “it” could be or maybe I have a peace that passes understanding. Monday will come soon enough and it will come whether I worry or not, so I have chosen the not. I am relieved to hopefully have some answers. The past 10 months have been hard and anxious filled because of not being able to breathe properly.

I hope that should something else come along, I will not wait as long to seek help. But, I also think that I really want to continue believing that tomorrow just maybe a better day....

Mother's Day Weekend...

I just got home from an absolutely delightful weekend with Leah. We spent the weekend together at a hotel. We arrived there late Friday afternoon. I arrived first and was checking in when Leah came into the lobby without my knowledge. I’m pretty sure she snuck in. I turned around and she was just standing there grinning. True to nature, I let out a yelp and then started to cry. Why I always cry like that is a mystery to me – but I do, none-the-less. I couldn’t help but wonder what the woman at the check-in counter was thinking. It seems the harder I try not to cry at such times, the more I do. Oh well, maybe babies of families are mushier than the rest – not sure, but I wonder. Or, maybe losing one’s mother on Mother’s Day is still a poignant memory.

Leah and I spent the weekend shopping and eating, but mostly talking and just being together. I don’t take these times lightly because they are few and far between. As Leah’s life continues to change it may be harder for the two of us to get away like this, but for now I revel in it. I hope we can always make time to do this. I must admit I enjoy not having to share her with anyone else – if that is being selfish, of which I have been accused by well meaning friends, then so be it. I suppose having only one child makes the parent/child relationship a bit different than when there are more. I don’t know about that but I wonder. I thank the Lord often for the one child I have – we have been very blessed!

I can’t let this day go by without writing about my own Mother. There are not very many days that go by that I don’t think about her. I told her on Friday, in a whispered prayer, that I wish that we could sit and have coffee. I like coffee a lot more now than when she was alive. I miss our conversations and her wisdom. I am reaching a point in my life where I would love to draw on her view of life and womanhood. I am sad that she does not know my daughter – I think that makes me the saddest of all. Or maybe, in some way, she does. I like to think about that. None of us really know what God allows or does not allow when we go to live with Him. I like to think that Mother has some idea of what her children and grand-children are up to. I don’t dwell on it too much because it truly is a mystery. I am so grateful for the mother I had and for the daughter I have and I pray that God will bless us all in midst of this everyday life.

So, to all the mothers in my family – Happy Mother’s Day and I love you all!

I'm Back!

Wow – I am so excited! We FINALLY got our new computer and are out of the dark ages with a new DSL (instead of dial up) and loving every minute, so far! I’m still getting to know my computer or I should say “our” computer, but I have sort of taken up ownership - poor Gail! Oh, he’ll get over it! He is already shaking his head as he sees me sitting here typing away. Some things we will never quite agree on. Gail and Lois speak the same language – they would much rather be outside doing yard work and playing with lawn mowers and the like. With my new found asthma, I have to be more careful what I do. Until I know what triggers my asthma attacks, I will just have to stay close to my new computer – it doesn’t seem to bother me. It is easy to find an excuse when you need one.

On a side note, you may notice I seem to be having some kind of Blog identity crisis. I keep changing the template. Hopefully I will find a home soon and settle in. If you hadn’t noticed, well now I drew your attention to this fact.

Seriously, a lot has happened since I last wrote. It seems the world continues to go crazy. I don’t understand the hate that fills a man’s heart to cause such heartache and destruction. To me it doesn’t matter where in the world there is pain and suffering, we are all connected in some way. This past weekend the weather has also been such a destructive force. I have customers in Kansas and they are dealing with a lot. It would be very easy for us to stay in bed and pull the covers over our heads and hide. BUT, I find the world is still a great place to be. I have seen wonder in a child’s eye, love and acceptance in an aged women’s eyes and know that there is much to live for, learn from and we need to stay involved with those around us. May my heart never become so calloused that I cease to care.

On that note, I hope to write more often. We’ll see………………

30 Years!

30 years ago today, Gail and I married. Wow! I am still trying to figure out where the past 30 years has gone. I am sure that those of you, who are older than I, can attest to this reality of passing time. The last 30 years has been an incredible experience. There have been a lot of bumps in the road – but then again, every road is filled with bumps. Thanks, Gail, for loving me, for believing in me and for not being “normal” - your ability to be a big kid has made times that could have been very hard more bearable and enjoyable. I enjoy seeing life through your eyes and I look forward to the future with you. I love you.

A Simple Defense!

I have a simple defense in the blogging debate. Daryl said in his blog that I post less than he does and that, evidently, is quite sporadic. The reason must be that I am less talkative than my siblings. Ha! Okay, now that was a good one!! Well, in my defense, I am sort of handicapped right now - I have no computer at home. In this day and age of computers everywhere, it is an inconvenience to not have one at home. I will get another one soon, if I slow down long enough to actually shop for one. But in the meantime, I am handicapped. I haven’t given up on posting. This world of blogging has proven to be a great way to peer into the thoughts and feelings of family and others that I don’t know personally but almost feel as though somehow I do. Keep up the great posts and I hope to jump in, with both feet, when I get my computer at home.

Spring? Maybe.....

I saw a Robin today – well, at least I think it was a Robin. It was in flight and it had a red breast. Could have been a Cardinal. It flew by so quickly, so I am not sure. At any rate, back to the Robin - a promise of SPRING, or so “they” say. I am ready for spring. I enjoy winter, to a point. I enjoy and absolutely love the ambience of a newly fallen snow. Sometimes there are no words to describe its beauty! A couple of weekends ago, I saw deer tracks in our yard. Leah and I actually saw two deer bounding through our yard. I have lived here for over 10 years and that was a first! What is it about deer that excites my heart? I don’t know if they were lost or confused or just passing through, but I enjoyed each moment of their flight – white tails held high! Their beauty mesmerized Leah and me. Last Sunday I saw rabbit tracks on our driveway. A lot of people have rabbit tracks in their yards and I get excited to see them in my driveway! See – A Kid at Heart!! It is fun to see what may be wandering around your house by just looking at the snow. However, I am ready for spring – waiting patiently.

We leave for Florida on Friday. For obvious reasons, I enjoy being outside but NOT in the sun. Gail and Leah are both sun worshippers. Not me! I love the shade and the cool of the morning and evening. That is why I am a fan of spring and fall, but not summer. We are looking forward to spending some time together as a family. Taking some time out of our busy schedules to just be. Maybe it will be just what we need to get us through to spring.

I will post when we get back. Until then - enjoy the snow, the sun, whatever comes your way.

Love you all!

Hello! I finally gave in and decided to join this wonderful world of "Blog". I've certainly enjoyed reading my siblings and daughter and son-in-law's posts and am excited to get started. I didn't want to be anonymous anymore when responding to my family! I don't write as creatively as they do, but I sure do have fun. Looking forward to hearing from you and keeping in touch. Have a great day!

A Kid at Heart